What ??

Flowers
Originally uploaded by Chalky Lives

So im back in Tokyo again, with my senses bombarderd by Okonomiyaki and Japanese sluts in micro shorts . So what is it all about ? I mean, what should I do...I am an indulgent cunt, that is true. And my options are pretty fucken broad, but hey, what the fuck ??

I'm living in tokyo midtown and my apartment gets cleaned 3 times a week. When the cleaners come (4 of them), the bow down to me and then proceed to put all my girlfriends hair clips in a neat row. so anal its got hemmoroids.

So, yeah. Im looking for advice here, and remember, your doing a service to someone or other, because if I run out of ideas ill probably have to top myself as an homage to decadent western ideals and boredom and tv and the internet.

So yeah....the canvas is blank....what should i do and where should i do it ??? I want answers now.

Back In Japan

The Hippy Stage - Fuji Rock Festival 2007
Originally uploaded by Chalky Lives

So, yeah. Im in Japan, been here for a few months, and I went to the Fuji Rock Festival, like the hero that I am, and instead of rock and roll, what do I find ???


FUCKEN HIPPYS !!

Fuck.

TOKYO.....RUSHING

OK, so here it is......my first film.

Check it out !!!

A Canal Full of Poo

This one really is superb....

FUCK PHOTOS

director
Originally uploaded by Magnum P.I.

Well, I am sick of taking fucking photos and all the shit that goes along with it. It is so fucking arty, it makes me sick.

Ive decided to say, FUCK PHOTOS. I am now going to dedicate myself to making movies. Much more exciting, compelling and impressive.

So to all you photographers out there.....get fucked.

Hollywood...here I come

Hardcore Asian Shit

OK, so Ive been hanging here in Tokyo for almost 2 months, and fuck, I fucking love it here. Everything is so fucking cool. Basically, I have got the best life. I wake up, surf the net a bit, watch some TV and then go hang out at the Pachinko joint for some mindless punting.

Anyway, during the countless hours I have spent surfing the net, I came across this video of some harcdore asian shit.

Watch closely, grasshopper...

Totally Committed to Fine Art

The Art of Letting Go
Originally uploaded by Chalky Lives.

You may have noticed I haven't been writing or taking any photos lately. This is true, and the reason for this is that I have found nothing to photograph or write about. Life is good. No complaints.

This image, which I captured last night at the Shimbashi Station public lavatory has shaken me out of my complacency.

What I am struggling to conceive is HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN ?

The Crush Calculator

Heart in the snow
Originally uploaded by cattycamehome.

This remarkable piece of software accurately measures romantic compatibility !!!

Click here to check it out !!

I Really Do Heart Japan

Like I said, I can't wait to get back to Japan.

Everything there is the same, but just a little bit twisted, in some kind of indefinable way.

Just like this video clip...

President and Mrs Bush

BUSH
Originally uploaded by aveeno.

Gotta love a family portrait

I Heart Japan

I am really missing Japan. Thank god I am going back there soon. And ever since I ended up in Graceland on the same day as Priscilla Presley, I have become a HUGE Elvis fan. So when it comes to double whammys, nothing beats Japanese Elvis impersonators.

While I'm on the subject of things Japanese, check out one of my favourite blogs, Konbini Life. This intrepid Gaijin bravely samples a huge variety of convenience store goodies and reviews them for our benefit.

Too Busy Living

Well, I haven't been blogging much lately, or taking photos or any of that shit, because basically I have been too busy living.

But anyway, I'm back...and I have found some cool shit on the net to share with you all.

Here is a great ad I found. Well worth a look.



And if you liked that one, here is a rip off of it, which was subsequently banned by the residents of Swansea, Wales.

Apparently the producers of the ad left a giant sticky mess and couldnt be bothered cleaning it up. Enjoy.

Chalk Guevara

Chalk Guevara
Originally uploaded by ♥ shhexycorin ♥.

Shhexycorin made this

Alcatraz E.R

Nurse....NURSE !!!
Originally uploaded by Chalky Lives.

When Crazy Japanese Slut told me about this restaurant, she was horrified at the stories she had heard. This immediately piqued my interest, as anything that horrifies her must be something pretty fucking cool.

So apparently, scantily dressed nurses simulated anal rape in the dark. This seemed to be not too bad. In fact, I was determined to go. She was not interested.

ALCATRAZ ER
Originally uploaded by Chalky Lives.

I had to go for the old "dont you have the guts to try something new ?". After that didnt work, I reverted to the failsafe taunt...."What are ya, a nerd or something ??"

One hour later she was all dressed up and ready to go.

Anyway, I was disappointed. No anal rape from the nurses. In fact, they werent even scantily dressed. I suppose the setting was fairly unique, and the food and drink was OK, but hey.....my expectations were sky high

FOOTBALL

Went to the footy in Melbourne yesterday to watch the mighty Demons defeat a demoralised St.Kilda.

Tried to take some photos, but they didnt work, so instead, I'll stick a video of Luke McPharlin's mark of the year, 2005, plus some highlights from when we played North (even though this dude got the scores wrong).

Account Deleted Again

Flickr got me again. Cunts.

Leaving Japan..Going Home

GFY
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Well, I know I have been kinda slack with this blog shit...mainly because i have been too drunk and fucked up.

Anyway, I am looking forward to some dirty australian shit....and who better than the one of the Tassie Bong Sluts to tell you all to........

GO FUCK YOURSELVES !!!

I Heart Japan

Japan is such a great country.

I really do love it here....

Goodbye USA

So I'm done with the U.S.A

San Francisco is such a cool town. Friendly natives, great food, plenty to drink.

I will surely be back.

More San Franciscan Beggars

Mr. Chalk, The Friendlist Australian Tourist in San Francisco
Originally uploaded by Thomas Hawk.

I saw this transvestite beggar getting arrested in the afternoon for beating up some other beggar in a wheelchair.

That night, after I had finished drinking 4000 beers, he came up to me and asked for money (as beggars do).

I was so surprised to see him again, I gave him 4 bucks and put my arm around him. My mate Thomas Hawk took the photo.

Now I think ive got the bird flu.

San Francisco

Mr Chalk Greets the Locals
Originally uploaded by SF buckaroo.

As you can see, I have been making new friends.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Gutter Vegas
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

If ya wanna check out my DIRTY VEGAS series of photographs, click here.

Vegas Neon Heart Attack

Splash
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Went to Vegas for a short visit. Won enough to pay for my hotel and food.

Now I'm outta here, pants intact.

Chinese Tattoos

1143396321754
Originally uploaded by 华莱士.

1143396318466
Originally uploaded by 华莱士.

13_abUdbEXblgyD
Originally uploaded by 华莱士.

12_GXAxUhFUZPSc
Originally uploaded by 华莱士.

Going down to Memphis

Pimp Leroy and friends
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So I got my arse down to Memphis, Tennessee, and yeah, that place is cool.

Hooked up with my boy, Pimp Leroy, who made sure I had a wicked time. Anyway, after a million beers and a steak, I passed out in the gutter, and woke up with old cigarette butts glued to my forehead.

Priscilla Presley at Graceland
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Anyway, after dragging myself back to my hotel, I decided to postpone my trip to Graceland, the Elvis Presley mansion till Monday, so as to avoid the crowds.

Well, when I got there, there was TV cameras and reporters and hundreds of people everywhere. I asked what was going on, and they told me that Graceland was being added to some Historic Register.

So I made like I was one of the paparazzi, pushed over a few children and old ladies, and got to the front of the pack.

Next thing, out walks PRISCILLA FUCKEN PRESLEY !!!

I couldnt believe it. I went snap happy, and got this fine shot of the woman. Can you believe she is 60 years old ?? Amazing what doctors can do these days, if ya pay em enough.

Nashville, Tennessee

Tootsies
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So I went to Nashville, the International Capital of Country Music.

At first it was kinda funny, ya know...redneck shit everywhere...and proud of it. No black fellas, pork ribs and good ole boys. Ha Ha Ha

Well, its not so funny after a few hours.

All I can say now is that if I smell another pork rib or hear one more note of country music, I am gonna puke everywhere...

THE KING OF NEW YORK

CHALK VS. JAY BULGER
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So I went to New York with a mate of mine, and he tells me we are gonna hang out with his buddy, Jay.

So we catch up with him and his friends for dinner. Top people, super friendly and all that. After being used to cunts everywhere I go, its a fucken relief to be hanging with some decent people.

Anyway, it turns out that Jay is far from normal. In fact, he is THE KING OF NEW FUCKEN YORK !!!

For the rest of the weekend, he is showing us round the city, free everything, treated like royalty, bottles of vodka in nightclubs, chicks everywhere, VIP non stop shit like you wouldnt believe.

I ask him what he does...turns out he is a boxer, film director, writer and top model. This bloke is on the cover of fucken Vogue, directing film clips for Arctic Monkeys and The Strokes...I mean, fuck, like I said, the king. He's just written a book and has been published in six magazines.

And you would expect a guy like that to have his head planted right up his arse.....Not this guy. Jay is a joker who takes the whole thing lightly and makes everyone feel comfortable.

So, as you would imagine, I had a good time in NYC.

United Airlines - Shit

UnitedAirlines
Originally uploaded by The Envoy.

United Airlines is easily the world's crappiest airline.

There is no wonder these losers have gone bankrupt. Their aircraft are old and out of date, as are their ugly stewardesses. Actually, ugly is a compliment. These hairy uptight hags are as rude as any I have come across, and the service they provide is worse than what you would expect from a bus conductor.

Listen, everyone know that the U.S airlines are shit, especially compared to Asian or even European carriers, but hey, United are just a total and absolute joke.

DO NOT FLY with them if you have any say in the matter. They are so, so bad.

DANISH HIPPIES ARE CUNTS

DANISH COPS
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So I went to Christiania, the Danish hippy haven, to get some pot. Bought some off this guy and went to find somewhere to smoke it.

Anyway, I find this house that looks the part, and theres about 20 danish hippys walking around in the dark, smoking joints and shit. Looks ok, so I start rolling a joint, then this chick comes up to me and say "be careful, cops are around"

Cops are around ?? Im just rolling a fucken joint, not importing a sack of heroin for christs sake.

Anyway, i just finished making it, light it up, the next thing....8 cops bust in the room with torches flashing and cameras snapping !!!

I nearly swallowed the fucking joint I got such a shock. Stood on it, dumped the tiny bag of weed and milled around with the rest of the hippies, trying to act like nothing was going on.

Well, they coppers fucked around in there for 15 minutes then left. I thought Id just get my bag of pot and leave, but when I went to get it, some cunt goes..."thats my marijuana !!!" next thing, ive got a bunch of weirdos circling me, demanding I give the pot back to the fucker. Seeing I am a gutless wimp, I gave it to him and left. Then I had to go and buy some more.

So all ive got to say about Danish hippies is....what a bunch of CUNTS

CeBIT...The World's Biggest Nerdfest

At CeBIT
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So I made my way to Germany to attend the World's Biggest Nerdfest, CeBIT in Hanover.

This show is absolutely fucking massive....30 exhibition halls, all packed to the gills with computer and communication crap.

And there is one thing that all that computer shit attracts like bees to honey, and that is..........

CeBIT Supernerd
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

NERDS !!!

Thousands and thousands of them.

Nerds as far as they eye can see. There is so much nerdy crap on show here, it just pulls em in from all over the globe.

And if there is one thing that nerds love almost as much as computers, it would have to be.......

CeBIT Blonde Slut
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

SLUTS !!!

There were plenty of sluts cruising around the exhibition, all looking to lure nerds into their stands.

So while I was bored out of my mind, I took plenty of photos of nerds and sluts and have assembled them in a selection.

If you wasnt to view the NERDS OF CEBIT, click here.

If you want to view the SLUTS OF CEBIT, click here.

Now, its each to their own, but I must say that I prefer the sluts.

ISTANBUL....YEAH !!!

Barefoot in the Mosque
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So I fucked off from Dubai, with aching wrists and ankles, and next stop...ISTANBUL.

This place rocks !!! The people are cool, the food is delicious, and even though they have a scarf on their heads, you can see the womens faces.

One thing that kinda concerns me though is the lack of adventure.

I mean, all this travelling is good and well, but this blog i supposed to be about adventures, and so far, Im just doing normal shit.

I'm low on inspiration, folks. I just dont know what to do to get myself motivated.

So help me.

Tell me what the fuck I should do to spice things up a little.....and please, make it someting new.

That same old Loo Cam thing just aint gonna cut it

Istanbul Street Action
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Istanbul Tram
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Old Dubai

3 Arabs
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Its not really old at all, but in black and white.......

Old Arab
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Old Arabs
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Sore Wrists

At the Snow
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Well, the Falconer went on holidays, so I did the next most obvious thing to do in the middle of the desert....

GO SNOWBOARDING !!!


The sheiks have built a giant indoor mountain in Dubai, and I was in my rented blue and red ski suit, dodging women in burka style quilted jackets. One modern woman had a rasta hat over the top of her veil.

Anyway, I made it out of the giant freezer alive, but the surface was so fucking hard, my ankles and wrists are killing me.....

I think its about time I got outta here

The Arab World

So now I'm in Dubai.

So I'm waiting for someone to recruit me into Al Qaeda

Then I'd have a real adventure to write about

Unfortunately the only adventure Ive had so far is when I slipped on the bathroom floor of my hotel room.

Anyway, today I think I'm going to go FALCONING, so I'll tell you all how it goes

Photo Competition

Golden Gate Bridge
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

OK, so I submitted this photo to the Gridskipper Photo Contest.

Gridskipper is this urban travel blog, and its fucken cool. In fact, I was tempted to keep it secret, but I want you to all vote for me, so I am spilling the beans.

Anyway, if you want to vote for me, and check out the website anyway, click here

By the way, i'm going to Dubai tomorrow

I'm Going

Cinema
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Its about time I did something, so I'm going to get on a plane and fly around the world.

Not all at one go....I am going to stop off a few times, but anyway, I'm fucking off on Friday.

WOOHOOOO !!!!!

Urban Ninja

Fucken Mental German Kid

Autistic Basketball Player

Don't Cry

Get the Fuck Outta Byron

Out the Back
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So its time for me to get the fuck outta Byron.

Once I stop smoking a million bongs a day I will probably suffer a massive reflex overdose of creativity, so brace yourself for another mountain of self indulgent rantings.

Now leave me alone for 5 minutes so I can go and eat my fucking breakfast

Happy New Year

46 Hours Non Stop Drug and Alcohol Abuse
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

In honor of the new year and all that shit, I have temporarily come out of retirement. 46 hours of non stop drug and alcohol abuse have softened my resolve, and I have resumed my stuffing around on the net.

Oh well, all I can say is that retirement was fucking great.

Anyway, a change is as good as a holiday, and I sure am due for another holiday.

Retirement

Goodbye Everyone
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Hi Everyone,

I went for drinks with a few friends tonight, and I got chatting to this bloke Jaymse, and I am telling him how much I fucken hate computers. Especially the fucken internet. So after a bit, I start thinking to myself, "fuck this internet crap. I am fucken well retiring from the internet."

I mean, really, the internet is for fucken nerds and cunts with no mates, so i have decided to retire. My blog, and my Flickr account are now going to go to sleep, and I am finished with the lot of it. I am now going to be normal, and do some real shit, instead of punching crap into a keyboard all day and night

It has been great interacting with you all, but as of now, i am officially retired.

Thanks for your support, and good luck for the future,

Love and Light, Chalk

Arse Beer

Arse Beer
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So I got this "Arse Beer" clip, so kindly donated to this blog by "Sunshine". Now I got it working, but if you wanna watch it, ya gotta click here

Fat Cunt

Anorexia Nervosa Case Study
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

I once had a girlfriend, who would fly into a rage every now and then. Her favourite insult was to call me a FAT CUNT.

Well, I suppose she was right, and since those days I have lost a few pounds. On this trip, though, I have been seriously indulging myself, and I feel I will have to go on a strict diet when I get home.

Until then, I will just keep eating, and in preparation for my extreme weight loss program, I will take photographs of anorexic women like this one.

Times Sqaure Chalk

Times Sqaure Chalk
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

Some people have accused me of being an egomaniac.

Well, I don't know about that, but one thing that I learned from my old school chum, Barry Carp was that it always pays to be a crowd pleaser.

So if egomaniac is what they think, then egomaniac is what they get.

It cost me a fortune to put this billboard up in Times Square, but hey, it was worth every penny.

Pirates Week

Smiley the Pirate
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So, I'm in the Cayman Islands now, and I have walked into the biggest festival of the year, Pirates Week !!

Most countries commemorate independence day or some religious occasion or some war or something that happened, and make that into their national day.

Not here.

Caymans is about 2 things:

1. Money
2. The Sea

Pirate Princess
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

So, they decided that they werent making enough money in the start of November. Therefore, they invented their national celebration, and called it Pirates Week. I suppose they called it Pirates Week instead of Pirates Day because you can make more money in a week than you can in a day.

This really is a strange place. 40% of the island are people on work permits who have come to make money. There is virtually no unemployment, and no tax, so everybody has plenty of cash to blow.

Drugs are seriously prohibited.

Elvis McPirate
Originally uploaded by Chalkstar.

The net result of all of this is that everyone gets drunk at night and then rolls home to sleep it off before work the next day.

There is also almost no violent crime.

And almost no rubbish.


As I said.....this is a strange place....but I like it !!!