Monday, March 14, 2005

48 Hours of Solid Alcohol Abuse

So I got up at 5AM on Friday morning, packed my shit up and headed for Hanover. CeBIT, the world's biggest technology show is held there every year, and I was on my way to check out the latest in the world of technology.

cebit hall 9
Originally uploaded by Mr. Chalk.
By 12 o'clock I was at the show, and boy was this thing fucken huge. 29 massive exhibition halls, all packed full. It was a little daunting, so me and my mates Simon and Emma, went to a restaurant called The Tower for lunch. We ended up extending lunch into an all afternoon drinking session, and by the time it got dark, we had seen none of the show, but had managed to down plenty of alcohol.

Dinner was calling, and we had heard that the place to go was The Munchen Halle, a Bavarian style beerhall where everyone was downing giant mugs of beer, and stuffing their face full of pork knuckle.

A traditional bavarian band was playing the classic German beer hall tunes, as well as favourites such as the Benny Hill anthem. The crowd was going wild, standing on their chairs, singing in unison and cheering. You could smell the German Pride, and an element of "Nuremberg Rally" type mass hysteria was kicking in. I just sat down, and started knocking back the 1 liter glasses of beer.

cork hats
Originally uploaded by Mr. Chalk.
These Australians in cork hats were a couple of fine ambassadors to my country

flag boy
Originally uploaded by Mr. Chalk.
This guy was having a ball. He had an Australian flag, and wasnt scared to wave it.

cigar lady
Originally uploaded by Mr. Chalk.
This frauline sold cigars

Originally uploaded by Mr. Chalk.
This devil sold stupid hats to the drunks

Originally uploaded by Mr. Chalk.
This was my pig knuckle before I ate it

Originally uploaded by Mr. Chalk.
This was my pig knuckle after I ate it.

As the day ended, I reflected on how little of the show I had managed to see. I did, however, manage to drink a hell of a lot of alcohol and stuff my face full of pork flesh.

So anyway, we went back to our hotel, had showers, and then met up again at the hotel bar. At this point, another friend, Gilles from Switzerland arrived at the hotel. We were given the word by the people we had met that a small bar in Hanover called Oscars was the place to be, so we headed down there.

Well, as soon as we got there, we bumped into some Americans who had just come from Amsterdam. These guys were so excited by the free and easy Dutch attitude to marijuana, and before I could say anything, I had swallowed a chocolate hash cake. The rest of the night was spent pouring beer after beer down my throat, punctuated by regular joint smoking out in the street. It was well below zero, but i couldnt feel a thing.

This alcohol abuse continued until 4AM, after which I managed to get back to the hotel and grab some sleep. But only some. After 3 and a half hours, I could sleep no more, and crawled out of bed. I thought I had better get to the show and have a look around a bit, or else I was going to leave without seeing anything.

Originally uploaded by Mr. Chalk.
I wasnt sure if this building was tilted or if my brain was

I was right to be concerned. By 11:30AM, my mates were back at the show, and had managed to get me back to the restaurant. Within a few minutes, I had a drink back in my hand and the roller coaster ride continued. More drinking, more beer, more spirits, more licquers, i hadnt even started to recover, and things were already getting messy.

Again, this drinking madness continued until dark, at which point we ended up in some swish bar in the centre of town. The barman, who also owned the joint, for some reason took a liking to our small group of alcohol abusers, and stated giving us gallons of free alcohol.

It was getting harder and harder to focus, and I was starting to worry about catching our plane out of there. My flight was booked for 7AM, and as cocktails had now become the norm, things were getting out of hand. Our little group had become a bunch of 15 pissheads, and I have some vague memories of some guy deciding to firebreath mouthfulls of vodka inside the bar. Repeatedly.

Anyway, I managed to wobble out of there with a small sliver of brain intact, and we made our way somehow to the Kebab end of town. This was great, and I was thoroughly enjoying my Lamb Special, however, I forgot to take into account the fact that Simon had been guzzling boatloads of tequila and had lapsed into a fit of unreasonable aggression. The Turkish kebab boys had put meat in his vegetarian pizza, so Simon saw fit to slam the door of the shop so hard it nearly came off its hinges.

Now, at 5:30AM, when your plane leaves at 7, you do not want to be starting fights with mental Turkish dudes. Tequila crazed Australians at the end of a 48 hour drinking binge think otherwise. All of a sudden there are 6 Turks chasing him down the street. Somehow, and I have no idea how, we managed to get ourselves and our paralytic mate out of there, and back to the hotel safely. The Turks chased us the fuck outta there...

We got to the airport 30 minutes before the plane left. I have no idea how I got on that plane. I just know I did. The previous 48 hours were a shocking blur, and seeing that 43 hours had just been spent actively abusing alcohol, I am amazed that I managed to escape. I smacked down the remaining pieces of space cake, and collapsed into my Lufthansa seat relieved and exhausted.

Now I am in the U.S.A, and my liver needs a rest


At 10:47 AM, March 14, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

more tequilla fuelled violence please

At 7:57 PM, March 14, 2005, Anonymous Homer Simpson said...

mmmmmmmmmm.... pork knuckles....

At 9:55 PM, March 14, 2005, Anonymous Karl Heinz said...

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At 10:56 PM, March 14, 2005, Blogger Mr. Chalk said...

oh well, at least there are no close ups of cocks going up arseholes

At 9:27 AM, March 15, 2005, Anonymous karl pimmel lederman said...

What about the close up photos you emailed me?

At 7:54 PM, March 15, 2005, Blogger Mr. Chalk said...

I meant on this website, karl.

At 10:15 PM, March 15, 2005, Anonymous Mrs Lederman said...

Are you keeping something from us, Mr Chalk?

At 11:10 PM, March 15, 2005, Blogger Mr. Chalk said...

only the emails i sent to your fag son

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